Yet again I'm neglecting to update this. Which means there will be a lengthy update quite soon. To keep it simple though, heres some good news, my grades are getting better, I'm really getting pumped for battle this year, spring break starts in a week and 3 days and my birthday is in 23 dayss :D So theres quite a bit to look forward to within this month.

whenever I seem to try and forget about some people, something just clicks and they come back into my life that much stronger. I feel like theres a reason, but then i believe it may just be dumb luck. I wish I could just get everything straight right now. no more what-ifs or could have beens, no more little quirks with people here and there. I want one person to be there. just one whose always by my side. never to leave and re-enter one who I know I can depend on. but thats just a bit to selfish, and quite unrealistic.

I think I've hit a new low.

I'm so sick of everything. and everyone. these past few weeks have been terrible. and the worst part is, is I've been bottling it all inside of me and I feel as if my emotions will kill me one day. I have no ambition to do anything because everytime I try something fucks it up. I've missed so much school already because so many times I couldn't bear to see anyone. All i ever seem to do anymore is sleep, even when I'm not tired I take medicine that makes me drowzy. I know its bad but it seems to be my only way out of this reality where im content. all my friends seemed to have gone, on to better things. constantly my plans have been turned down due to the ever so popular phrases, "I forgot im already busy" ... "something else came up"or "lets just hang out some other day."  I want to believe it when I hear it, but the problem is, that day never seems to come, thats why I get so frustrated when I hear it for the fourth time in a week. The only people I really talk to in school are boys, that I don't talk to outside of school. and the few girls I talk to outside of school are now all involved with new significant others and never have time.. I mean goddamn. I think I missed the get a boyfriend right now memo. which sucks for me because I have no chances I'm sure of it. not that I blame them, I'm a mess. I wouldn't date me either.. plus, I think I've been called ugly more in the past week then I can remember regardless if it was jokingly or not. it starts to sink in.  I think thats why I hate school more than ever these days. because my weekends are nothing to look forward to which makes the week days seem even worse. 

I really need someone now more than ever.

New semester.

Today went so much better than I expected. I love my classes. well, not the classes in general but the people in them. I always end up getting stuck with no one I know in atleast one class. but not this time :]  My US gov/history class is insanely small. today there were only 6 kids in there. 6.  Overall theres suposed to be a grand total of 9 students. but I guess in a way I like it better that way. I'd prefer a small class of people over a larger one. My other class that changed was spanish. And I'm extatic that I got the same teacher that I had during spanish one. She recognized me right away and gave me a hug. Shes amazing. The only thing I don't like about that class though is that we have assigned seats and I got stuck with people I don't know and probably won't like. Plus I'm terrible at spanish. I'd rather take something else... ouu. and for the first time this year I'm in a study hall that I actually like meaning I won't have to skip it any longer. :]

As of now I love all my classes.
But, I'll give it about a week before I start to hate them.
Things just seem to turn out that way.

from one topic to the next

thankfully her mom got over it. and I'm glad, last night was pretty fun. It would have been actually a lot funner though if the boys wouldn't have gone, oddly enough. 
Its funny how much her boyfriend comes to me for advice,
I always get that role.

Plus this pill is making me terribly sick.. On occasion.
It's very inconvenient.

I still havn't seen Juno
or any other movie that I've wanted to see yet this week.
I've wasted this whole break, which is kind of a dissapointment.

I don't feel like elaborating more.
this will be a short post.